


Wherever You Will Go

by wakeupstiles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Post S3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6306298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupstiles/pseuds/wakeupstiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She figured long ago that she was cursed; everyone she loved died. She never got close to anyone after the third time. It was too painful and it wasn’t worth the risk. But somehow the persistent, charming, annoying Ice King meddled his way into her heart and it kills her to make him leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherever You Will Go

**Author's Note:**

> two fics in one day. im on a roll baby.

The sun was just rising, barely shining into the large room through sheer white curtains when she awoke. He was already awake, stroking her back with the tips of his fingers, leaving chills in their wake. She was lying on his chest listening to the steady blips of his heartbeat. Being there with him, in that tranquil state, she never wanted to leave.

But she had to.

“I want you to stay here.” His low, gruff voice spoke as if he’d been reading her thoughts.

“You know I can’t.” She whispered regretfully, kissing his bare chest, then sitting up and turning away from him, though it killed her to do so.

“Why?” Roan asked, sitting up and placing a hand on her shoulder, pulling back slightly to signal her to stay in bed.

She turned her head back to him, rested her chin on his hand. “We’ve been over this, Roan.” She nearly choked, feeling the uncomfortable rising of tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat.

“No,” He removed his hand, sat up fully in the bed. “You’ve said you can’t stay and I leave it at that. I give you your space. Never once have you explained why.” He moved up so that he was sitting directly behind her now, chest pressing against her back. He pushed her long hair to one side of her shoulder and kissed the soft skin on her neck. “I care deeply for you, Raven,”

“Stop.” She said a little too harshly, her voice a croak. If he said _that_ then she really was going to start crying and she didn’t want to. She’d cried too much in this new world—she didn’t want to anymore.

He pulled away from her immediately, though hesitant to leave the bed completely. “I will leave.”

“No, stay.” Raven turned and grabbed his hand, keeping him in place. She kept her dark eyes out of his light gaze. “This—this is your room. I’ll go.” She let go of his hand and fumbled for her brace on the floor.

He crawled back on the bed, rested his head in her lap to keep her still. “I don’t want you to go.” He whispered, finally getting her to hold eye contact. She bit her lip, hard, drawing a little blood, then bent down and kissed him. It was chaste and short but still full of so much emotion it was like a punch to the gut.

“You stay with me and you’ll die.” She murmured against his lips as she pulled away slightly.

He knitted his eyebrows together, brought a hand up to her face and stroked a mark there. She’d gotten it after the ALIE War had ended, after she helped save his kingdom. It was her choice, of course; she wanted something to remind her of the good she’d done, of the lives she was able to save, of the place that welcomed her with open arms.

“What are you talking about?” He questioned, his voice heavy with confusion.

She looked away from him, out the slightly open window. “Everyone I’ve ever loved has died.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighed and explained. She told him of Finn, her first love, her only family. How he was killed because he was a killer. She told him of Gina, the woman who showed her that you can have more than one love in your life time. How she was murdered out of spite. She told him of her mother, the woman who never really loved her but whom she loved. Who was executed because she was selfish and didn’t care. She told him of the loss and the pain and the heartache. She told him everything and he remained silent the whole time, sitting up beside her, giving her all of his attention.

When she was done she was surprised she hadn’t started crying. She figured that after so many times she’d just become numb.

Roan placed a hand on her knee, leaned into her. “I am the King of Azgeda. I am a warrior. I’m going to die whether you’re in my life or not.” He spoke softly, matter of factly.

A spark of anxiety flared through her and for a moment she felt as if her heart had exploded. The thought of him dying— _him dying—_ she couldn’t fathom it. Refused to picture it. “Wow, that makes me feel so much better. Thanks.” She grumbled bitterly, strapping her brace on her leg and standing to find her clothes.

“I only mean…” He reached up and grabbed her hand, holding it loosely in case she was still going to walk away. He wouldn’t hold her there if she wanted to leave. Raven froze, waiting to see what he was going to do and what more he was going to say. “I would rather die with you by my side than die without you.” Hearing him say that, with the sincerity in his voice, the gentleness, the care, it only made her heart break more. She wanted to say, she really did. She wanted to be with him, with his people who she’d come to respect—maybe more than her own. She wanted to stay in his palace, stay in the city, talk to Ontari and help them get more technologically advanced. She wanted a life in Azgeda. She wanted a life with him. But for her that wasn’t possible.

She slipped her hand out of his, walked over to the little chair in front of the window and pulled on her robe resting on the back of it. She slid open one of the curtains slightly and stared down at the vast and busy city. It had become home. She loved it there. “If I’m by your side then you’re going to die a lot sooner.” She mumbled sadly, tears threatening to fall.

Roan came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her stomach and kissed her back. “Who will kill me?” He questioned curiously.

“Me.” She admitted without skipping a beat.

He gave a little chuckle. “I don’t believe that.”

“I’m cursed.”

“I don’t believe in curses.”

“Well, I’m something.” She hesitated a second, then added, “ _Wanheda_ suits me more than it ever will Clarke.” And it was the truth. For her, it was the truth. In retrospect, she caused the bridge and the drop ship to blow up. She technically killed all those Grounders. And she killed the people closest to her. She was death. She was devastation.

He turned her around to face him then, his face serious, his eyes pleading. She looked up at him, their stares locking. “Finn was killed out of mercy for something that he did, not because of you. Gina was murdered as an act of war by radicals that wanted your people gone, not because of you. Your mother was executed because she broke the law, _not because of you._ People do not die _because_ of you, Raven, they die because of themselves or other people.” He lightly stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. “You are not the cause of their pain.”

His words were truthful, but she didn’t believe them. She tried to, but couldn’t. She knew if she stayed that something horrible would happen to him, and she would never forgive herself for that. She could barely forgive herself for the others. Roan’s death on her hands would inevitably kill her, too.

She left two hours later. Kissed him on the cheek goodbye, left on a horse with a saddle tailored to her made at the orders of the king. Ontari was her escort back to the Arkadia gates. Raven gave her a little smile before passing through and Ontari’s eyes revealed sadness and the begging to go back with her. Oh, she wanted to.

Raven clucked her tongue and the horse walked inside Arkadia, the gates closing at their heels.

 

* * *

 

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asked four days later, watching her work on the jeep.

“Fixing things, what does it look like I’m doing?” She grumbled, not making eye contact with him as he continued to watch her with his arms crossed over his chest and a sour look on his face.

He sighed deeply, put his hand over hers to keep her from working. She still didn’t look at him. “No, Raven, _what are you doing?_ ”

“What?” She hissed, yanking her hand from his and getting back to work.

“Why are you here?” He pressed.

The woman rolled her eyes. “This is my home.”

“You hate it here.” He pointed out.

“I do not.” She scoffed.

“You’re unhappy.” Bellamy grabbed the tool from her hand and threw it across the room, which earned him a ‘please-go-fuck-yourself’ look from the bitter woman. He ignored it and spoke again, “You’re miserable. You don’t want to be here. You want to be with _him._ ” Bellamy didn’t fully like the Ice People, but he didn’t hate them as much as he once had. He had a growing respect for the king because he saw how he truly was with Raven, and that was enough to make Bellamy like him at least a little.

She narrowed her eyes at the man, opened her mouth to blow his head off but rethought and turned away from him, said softly, “That can’t happen.”

“Why not?” He asked, concern and confusion in his tone.

She gave a little shrug. “Because it just can’t.”

“Did he do something? Did he—“

“What?” She turned back to him, eyes wide at what thoughts might be going through his head. Like he needed more bad ideas about what Azgeda and its people were like. “God, no! It’s—it’s me. It’s me.”

Bellamy’s eyes turned soft with understanding and he placed a comforting hand on his friends shoulder. “The war is over, Raven, the pain is gone.”

She looked at the ground, tears in her eyes, voice breaking. “The pain will always be here.” She spoke truthfully. Or, what she believed to be her truth. She’d been in pain all her life, especially since being on the ground, so why should it be different now? It shouldn’t—it _wouldn’t._

He gave her a little smile, a little shrug. “You deserve to be happy.”           

“I’m happy here.” She began to walk away, eager to get back to work and for the conversation to end before she fully broke down in tears and begged him to take her back to the Ice Nation.

“Arkadia is a punishment for you.” He called, stopping her in her tracks because _goddamn it_ she knew it was true. Having his stubborn friend’s attention, Bellamy went on, “All your painful memories are here and you stay because you think you deserve to remember all the bad and not enjoy the good. There is good waiting for you, Raven, it’s just not here.” He had moved in front of her now, held her chin up so that she was forced to meet his eyes.

She didn’t step away ask she asked, “If I leave who’s going to take care of things?”

“We have Monty.”

“Who’s going to take care of him? After Jasper…” She trailed off, thinking of the boy’s refusal to leave the City of Light. How it was her fault he decided to go in the first place. How when they shut the place down he was still in there and he…

_Died._

Again, another death on her hands.

Bellamy gave her a soft smile. “He’s got Miller and Harper and me. He’s got people here, Raven.”

She rolled her eyes, attitude starting to show. “Yeah, well, what about you? Who’s going to kick since into your stubborn ass?” She teased, punching him playfully in the arm.

He rolled his eyes. “We have radios. You’ve set them up in Azgeda. We can talk whenever you miss me.”

Raven walked past him, muttered halfheartedly, “I wouldn’t miss you; you’d miss me.” Thought that wasn’t true; she would miss him. Him and Monty and Miller and Harper and hell, even Abby. She’d miss them all.

He nodded to humor her, then grew serious again. “You’re unhappy here, Raven, and you deserve to be happy.”

“Everyone keeps saying that.” She grumbled with a roll of her eyes as she grabbed a monkey wrench from her tool box and started fixing something that wasn’t broken.

“Don’t you think everyone might be right, then?”

“I don’t…” She trailed off, shut her eyes and winced a little. “I don’t want him to die.”

“What?” Bellamy gasped softly, moving beside her, confused yet again.

“Everyone dies.” She whispered, her voice consumed with pain and guilt. “I don’t want him to die.” She gave a little shrug, put the tool down and crossed her arms over her chest.

Bellamy put his hands on her shoulders, squeezed and gave them a little shake. “We all die. Life is short in this world, that’s why you have to grab it by the balls and take it when you can.”

She barked a laugh. “Great motivational speech.”

He grinned. “I am good at those.” Then they got quiet, Raven thinking about the king in Azgeda and Bellamy thinking of what else he could say to make her leave. He didn’t want her gone, of course. If he had it his way then she would stay within the walls of Arkadia, safe until…but he couldn’t have things his way and she was unhappy and he _hated_ seeing her unhappy. “Think about it, Raven.” His voice was low, pleading. She met his eyes. “Clarke is with Lexa in Polis. Octavia is with Lincoln in TonDC. And you’re _here,_ fixing things that don’t need to be fixed and hating life. They’re making themselves happy. You need to think about making yourself happy, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

She left for Azgeda the next day with nothing but a backpack on her back and a heart full of hope. She thought of sending a letter to Roan, asking if she could return, but she knew she had a home there. He’d told her countless times before that she didn’t need to send notice before she came, that she was welcome anytime she wanted, that his gates were always open.

Bellamy and Kane rode with her to make sure that nothing would happen along the way. Just because the war was over didn’t mean some Grounders didn’t hold grudges and hate against the Sky People for all that’s happened.

They stopped a few miles outside the Azgeda gates. Raven’s heart was in her throat and her palms were sweaty. She’d never been this nervous before. She was, essentially, stepping into her future and that scared the hell out of her.

“Are you going to go in?” Kane asked, eyebrows arched.

She looked to him, then to Bellamy, then at Azgeda. “I—yeah.” She nodded firmly, then told the men goodbye and continued to the gates herself. She stopped in front of them, waited for the guards to pull them open. It was a few moments before she heard one shout: _“It's Raven of Skaikru, open the gates!”_ And so they opened and she led Ranger, her horse, inside.

Ontari met her right as she entered, a broad smile on her face. It was a rarity to see her that welcoming and happy—but then again, after spending so much time with Ravem and learning about her, she’d grown a soft spot for the Sky Girl—though she would never admit to that, but it showed in her actions.

“Is something wrong?” The woman asked as she helped Raven off the horse.

The brunette shook her head, an ever growing smile on her face. “I’m—where’s Roan?”

Ontari cocked an eyebrow, grinned in understanding. “Somewhere in the city—he was right behind me, I think.”

Raven nodded, then started through the crowd to find the king. It didn’t take long; his voice was very distinctful and carried when he spoke despite being low and raspy. “Roan!” She shouted, getting his attention and began running despite her aching leg.

The man shot his head up at the sound of her voice, eyes wide for a few seconds until he saw her running towards him. She was in his arms in seconds, holding him, her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her back, locking them in place and never wanting to let go. “I want to be here.” She said, voice muffled against his shirt but still understandable. She shifted her head up at him, smiled, went on, “I want to be with you. That is, if you still want me to. If you still want _me._ ”

His piercing eyes turned soft and a little smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I will always want you, _ai haiplana._ ”

She leaned up on her toes, whispered against his lips, “I’ll always want you.”

He grabbed her face and kissed her.

**Author's Note:**

> I could have made this a sad ending but we all know raven deserves happiness and yes roan was naked all through the first part. ;)


End file.
